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| So happy on her birthday! |
I still can't believe Kathryn is a year old. A year ago I was still in the hospital a year ago and Kathryn was still in the level 1 nursery. She wasn't able to come into the room with us yet. I didn't even get to hold her for about 12 hours after her birth and when I did, it was very special. I still remember her birth like it was yesterday. We had to wake up early and be at the hospital around 7am. I checked in and got settled. They hooked me up to some monitors and we met our super nice nurse, Beth. I wasn't that nervous about the c-section because everyone had told me how great they were. I was nervous about the catheter though because I learned in a c-section class the put it in while you are still awake. That freaked me out and it turns out I had every right to be worried. The catheter didn't hurt going in, but once it was in I was nearly crawling out of my skin. It was the worst, most disgusting feeling every. I can't even describe it. I wanted to yank it out and when Jared tried to comfort me, I just pushed him away. I didn't want anyone to touch me. At that point I couldn't wait to get my spinal so I wouldn't feel the catheter anymore. I was nervous for that too. They wheeled me into the operating room, but Jared couldn't come in. I was shivering from how uncomfortable the catheter was and two nurses held me to calm down so the doctor could do my spinal. It didn't hurt, but once it kicked in, I was a very happy lady. The discomfort immediately went away and I though, "Bring it on!" Little did I know, the fun was just beginning.
They brought Jared in and he was loaded down with three cameras. They immediately got to work, but I could tell things weren't going as planned. It was taking a very long time to get her out and I even heard Dr. Kalla say, "This is unusual." At one point, I got very nauseous and I thought I was going to pass out. I was vomiting and I told my anesthesiologist, who was so nice. He gave me some anti-nausea medication, which would later make me very loopy. I still felt like I was going to pass out and I felt like I was fading in and out. It was like something out of a movie. Come to find out, a doctor was on my chest trying to push Kathryn out. Turns out she had turned and they couldn't get her. They had to use the vacuum to help. She finally came out at 8:53am and I still remember hearing her cry for the first time. It made her feel real for the first time. I still remember Jared's voice saying how amazing she was. They whisked her off to clean her up while they sewed me up. They brought her to me, but it was only for about 15 seconds. They rushed her out of the delivery room because her oxygen supply had been depleted during the birth. It was all so hectic and I was just glad she was okay. Later I'd find out just how crazy the birth was and how lucky we were. I was told I lost a lot of blood during the delivery and I had to agree once I saw the video. It was like a butcher shop with blood everywhere. Then we found out Kathryn was born with two knots in her cord. Had I carried to term and she began dropping, there would've been a good chance she would've died because as she descended, the knots would've tightened cutting off her blood supply. A nurse told she had a friend who lost a baby that way. It was a blessing that she had to be born 4 weeks early.
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| Holding Kathryn for the first time. |
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| All hooked up. |
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| 2 days old and so beautiful. |
I recovered and was pretty loopy for a few hours. They finally wheeled me into the level 1 nursery to see her around 8pm. It was such a surreal feeling to finally see her. She was all hooked up to wires and she had to have an oxygen helmet. They unhooked her though and let me hold her and so began our life together. I never knew I could love another person the way I love her. Happy first birthday, Baby Kathryn!
Here are some other pictures from today.
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| Jean got her a new Red Sox shirt. She loved Wally on the front. |
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| Eating some of the cake I made her. |
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| She loved eating limes too, which I was very surprised about. |
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| Kathryn Skyped with her cousins, aunts & uncles and grandma back in Arizona. It was so sweet to see them all gathered around the camera and I loved when they sang happy birthday to her. We sure to miss them. |
One more thing: I know I posted this on the blog when Kathryn was 5 months old (I think), but I wanted to post it again since I wrote exactly a year ago on the day she born. It was my thoughts on that day and I always want to be reminded of them.
November 22, 2011
As
many of you know, becoming a mother was never in my plans. I wasn't
one of those girls who dreamed of being a mommy. I thought I might have
kids, but I never set out to make it happen. I'd been married to Jared
for 10 years and together as a couple for 14 years and I was content
with our carefree lifestyle. I couldn't imagine anything holding me back
from doing what I wanted to do. That all changed on April 22, 2011
when I discovered I was pregnant.
I felt more like a 16 year old than a a woman of 31. When I saw those results, all I could think was, "How did this happen?" and "What in the heck am I going to do? I can't be a mom!" I was scared out of my wits and it didn't help that I was 3000 miles away visiting my sister in Washington state when I found out. I couldn't even tell my husband face to face, but when I did tell him, he knew exactly what to say to make me realize we may just be able to pull this off. He said to me, "This is amazing. You don't know how long I've wanted to hear this from you. Thank you for this gift." Hearing those words, I knew it might be possible.
The timing just wasn't great though. Jared had been unexpectedly discharged from the navy three months earlier and was going to school full time. I had no clue how we could manage adding a child to our lives, but somehow it all worked out and in Augusthe found a great job with BAE Systems doing what he loves best: computer stuff. It all was coming together and then my mom offered to come take care of the baby when I had to return to work. It was such a relief knowing my mom would be there to care for my child while I went to work to care of my first graders.
I thought I had all the time in the world to prepare for this baby. So much happened though and so quickly. We drove to Farmington, on the other side of Hartford, every week for special ultrasounds to make sure her heart was okay due to my Sjogren's Syndrome. We knew from the get go she was a fighter. We knew she was feisty just like her mom. We loved getting to see our baby every week and were so excited to learn we were having a daughter. Jared was over the moon because for years, that's all he'd ever talk about when it came to kids. He just wanted to have a little girl. He high-fived me in the ultrasound room when we found out. It was awesome.
The time flew and today she finally arrived, four weeks early. I didn't know what to expect. I was scared and nervous and to be truthful, I was in denial. There was no way that I was going to be a mother. I would be responsible for another human being. The thought completely overwhelmed me. However, thinking back on the events of today I believe my daughter was meant to be here. She overcame so much to come into our lives. She somehow managed to sidestep my plans of living a no child lifestyle. Then, she overcame the heart defects I could've given to her. I also had a major surgery that resulted in carrying her to term unsafe. And finally today, after a difficult c-section where we discovered she had two knots in her cord, she made it here. She overcame so much when she just could've given up. She's here for a reason. What that reason is,I don't know and as I look at her in her little oxygen helmet, I just want to hold her and keep her safe and thank her for showing me strength and a love I didn't know I had in me. I wish I could snuggle her and be with her. I've only been able to hold her for ten minutes, but those ten minutes have been some of the most poignant in my life. I can't wait to get to know her better and find out why she was so determined to come into my life. Kathryn Elizabeth, you are a gift in my life I didn't even know I wanted until I felt you moving inside me and when I look into your sweet face, which is so familiar and yet so strange. I love you my daughter and I hope to be the best mom I can be to you. I'm going to learn so much from you. Thank you for coming into my life.
I felt more like a 16 year old than a a woman of 31. When I saw those results, all I could think was, "How did this happen?" and "What in the heck am I going to do? I can't be a mom!" I was scared out of my wits and it didn't help that I was 3000 miles away visiting my sister in Washington state when I found out. I couldn't even tell my husband face to face, but when I did tell him, he knew exactly what to say to make me realize we may just be able to pull this off. He said to me, "This is amazing. You don't know how long I've wanted to hear this from you. Thank you for this gift." Hearing those words, I knew it might be possible.
The timing just wasn't great though. Jared had been unexpectedly discharged from the navy three months earlier and was going to school full time. I had no clue how we could manage adding a child to our lives, but somehow it all worked out and in Augusthe found a great job with BAE Systems doing what he loves best: computer stuff. It all was coming together and then my mom offered to come take care of the baby when I had to return to work. It was such a relief knowing my mom would be there to care for my child while I went to work to care of my first graders.
I thought I had all the time in the world to prepare for this baby. So much happened though and so quickly. We drove to Farmington, on the other side of Hartford, every week for special ultrasounds to make sure her heart was okay due to my Sjogren's Syndrome. We knew from the get go she was a fighter. We knew she was feisty just like her mom. We loved getting to see our baby every week and were so excited to learn we were having a daughter. Jared was over the moon because for years, that's all he'd ever talk about when it came to kids. He just wanted to have a little girl. He high-fived me in the ultrasound room when we found out. It was awesome.
The time flew and today she finally arrived, four weeks early. I didn't know what to expect. I was scared and nervous and to be truthful, I was in denial. There was no way that I was going to be a mother. I would be responsible for another human being. The thought completely overwhelmed me. However, thinking back on the events of today I believe my daughter was meant to be here. She overcame so much to come into our lives. She somehow managed to sidestep my plans of living a no child lifestyle. Then, she overcame the heart defects I could've given to her. I also had a major surgery that resulted in carrying her to term unsafe. And finally today, after a difficult c-section where we discovered she had two knots in her cord, she made it here. She overcame so much when she just could've given up. She's here for a reason. What that reason is,I don't know and as I look at her in her little oxygen helmet, I just want to hold her and keep her safe and thank her for showing me strength and a love I didn't know I had in me. I wish I could snuggle her and be with her. I've only been able to hold her for ten minutes, but those ten minutes have been some of the most poignant in my life. I can't wait to get to know her better and find out why she was so determined to come into my life. Kathryn Elizabeth, you are a gift in my life I didn't even know I wanted until I felt you moving inside me and when I look into your sweet face, which is so familiar and yet so strange. I love you my daughter and I hope to be the best mom I can be to you. I'm going to learn so much from you. Thank you for coming into my life.
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