I just put Kathryn to bed and as I sat there with her, I realized tonight is the last time I will put her to bed as my baby. Tomorrow she'll turn one and will be my little girl instead. It's hard to believe it's been 364 days already. A year ago today, I didn't know my daughter and if I'm being honest, I still didn't know if I truly wanted to be a mother. Little did I know how much that doubt would disappear and how fast it would go away. Tomorrow it'll be a year. I can still remember the eve of her birth like it was yesterday.
Jared and I had to be to the hospital by 7am for my amniocentesis. She had to be born a month earlier because of a scar on my uterus from a previous surgery. The doctors were worried because of the type of scar I had that if I carried to term, my uterus could rupture and I could bleed to death. So...they decided to take her at 36 weeks as long as her lungs were mature enough.
I remember driving to the hospital. I was still tired because it was so early. It was dawn as we drove and the sun was just coming up. We made the walk to the birthing center and got checked it. I still remember changing into the gown and laying on the table with the monitor attached to my big belly. I didn't know what to expect. I'd heard bad things about the procedure and I was scared. Dr. Kalla came in and they began the procedure. He looked at the ultrasound, trying to find a pocket of fluid. He thought he'd found and began. He said he wasn't going to give me any numbing medicine because that shot would hurt worse than the actual amnio. I was doubtful, but he pulled out the needle. It was different than I thought. He placed this long tube on my belly and then pushed the top and the needle went in. It didn't really hurt, it just burned. Then he took the tube off and this needle was sticking up about two inches. He tried pulling out fluid, but nothing would come. So, he had to pull it out and do it again. I was not happy about that, but I had no choice. They found another pocket of fluid and inserted the needle again. It hurt more this time and I just squeezed Jared's hand. As the doctor prepared to get the fluid, the needle started rocking back and forth like a pendulum. The doctor and nurse just stared at it and then looked at each other, both saying they'd never seen anything like it. They'd never seen a baby playing with the needle the way our baby was playing it. It actually made me nervous that she might get hurt. The needle eventually steadied and they got the fluid...then it was the waiting game. The fluid had to go by courier to a hospital in Hartford. I was told if some of the tests came back immature, they'd have to send it to yet another hospital in Hartford. I had to wait around all day to actually know if we were having the baby the next day. I called my hospital around 2pm and they'd heard nothing yet. Then a doctor called me and told me they'd got the results back but were unsure of some and he needed to call a perinatogist at UConn to get his opinion. The doctor said I might not know till 9pm if I was to come in the next day to delivery. I remember getting upset because I was prepped for this. I had to let my work know too. I called my mom and was crying to her when call waiting came through and it was the doctor saying he'd spoken to the specialist and they agreed it was okay to deliver. So...I finally had my answer and I had to get ready. I was still in denial that I was on the eve of being a mother and I had no idea what was in store. The next day my life would change forever.
Happy Birthday Eve, My Baby! I love you more than you'll ever know, even if a year ago today I didn't know it.
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