Good Night My Baby

I just put Kathryn to bed and as I sat there with her, I realized tonight is the last time I will put her to bed as my baby. Tomorrow she'll turn one and will be my little girl instead.  It's hard to believe it's been 364 days already.  A year ago today, I didn't know my daughter and if I'm being honest, I still didn't know if I truly wanted to be a mother.  Little did I know how much that doubt would disappear and how fast it would go away.  Tomorrow it'll be a year.  I can still remember the eve of her birth like it was yesterday.

Jared and I had to be to the hospital by 7am for my amniocentesis.  She had to be born a month earlier because of a scar on my uterus from a previous surgery.  The doctors were worried because of the type of scar I had that if I carried to term, my uterus could rupture and I could bleed to death.  So...they decided to take her at 36 weeks as long as her lungs were mature enough.

I remember driving to the hospital.  I was still tired because it was so early.  It was dawn as we drove and the sun was just coming up.  We made the walk to the birthing center and got checked it.  I still remember changing into the gown and laying on the table with the monitor attached to my big belly.    I didn't know what to expect.  I'd heard bad things about the procedure and I was scared.  Dr. Kalla came in and they began the procedure.  He looked at the ultrasound, trying to find a pocket of fluid.  He thought he'd found and began.  He said he wasn't going to give me any numbing medicine because that shot would hurt worse than the actual amnio.  I was doubtful, but he pulled out the needle.  It was different than I thought.  He placed this long tube on my belly and then pushed the top and the needle went in. It didn't really hurt, it just burned.  Then he took the tube off and this needle was sticking up about two inches.  He tried pulling out fluid, but nothing would come.  So, he had to pull it out and do it again.  I was not happy about that, but I had no choice.  They found another pocket of fluid and inserted the needle again. It hurt more this time and I just squeezed Jared's hand. As the doctor prepared to get the fluid, the needle started rocking back and forth like a pendulum.  The doctor and nurse just stared at it and then looked at each other, both saying they'd never seen anything like it.  They'd never seen a baby playing with the needle the way our baby was playing it.  It actually made me nervous that she might get hurt.  The needle eventually steadied and they got the fluid...then it was the waiting game.  The fluid had to go by courier to a hospital in Hartford.  I was told if some of the tests came back immature, they'd have to send it to yet another hospital in Hartford.  I had to wait around all day to actually know if we were having the baby the next day.  I called my hospital around 2pm and they'd heard nothing yet.  Then a doctor called me and told me they'd got the results back but were unsure of some and he needed to call a perinatogist at UConn to get his opinion.  The doctor said I might not know till 9pm if I was to come in the next day to delivery.  I remember getting upset because I was prepped for this.  I had to let my work know too.  I called my mom and was crying to her when call waiting came through and it was the doctor saying he'd spoken to the specialist and they agreed it was okay to deliver. So...I finally had my answer and I had to get ready.  I was still in denial that I was on the eve of being a mother and I had no idea what was in store.  The next day my life would change forever. 

Happy Birthday Eve, My Baby!  I love you more than you'll ever know, even if a year ago today I didn't know it. 

Spaghetti!

Kathryn had spaghetti for the first time tonight and she loved it!  I make it with ground turkey and whole wheat noodles, and yet she still loved it.  She really loved the turkey and kept picking it out and scarfing it up.  Her hands got quite messy, as suspected and then she rubbed her eyes and she got it everywhere! 

It started out not too bad.

It started to get messier.

And messier...

She's awfully proud of herself.

By the end even she realized how pathetic she looked when it was all over.

Walking Like a Crazy Woman

Tonight we tried an outfit on Kathryn that I wore as a baby.  She got such a kick out of it and just giggled and laughed and started walking like a crazy woman all over the room.  It was hilarious.  I think I need a new point and shoot camera because the last couple of days the pictures and videos have been kinda fuzzy.  I think Kate may have dropped it one too many times!

This is the little outfit I wore as child.  All the Nugen girls got one.  It all started with my great-grandma making one for my aunt back in the 1940s.

A Rite of Passage

Kathryn and I had busy evening.  I had an eye appointment at 5:30 so after picking her up from daycare, we came home and fed the dogs and after changing her diaper, we left for the eye doctor.  After the appointment, we headed to CVS to get my prescription (which was not ready due to an insurance glitch...it'll get picked up tomorrow).  It was after 6pm by then and she needed to eat. So...I swung by McDonald's and got Kathryn her very first Happy Meal: 4 chicken nuggets, french fries and apple slices.  When we got home, I cut off all the breading and skin and chopped up the meat of the nugget and gave her a few french fries cut up.  She loved them both and gobbled them up.  Then I cut up the apple slices really thin and she loved them too.  I'm sure this will be the first of many Happy Meals.

The pictures are a little fuzzy.  I think it's because of the lighting in the background.

Her first Happy Meal toy!

I Don't Think We're in Kansas Anymore

It's been a few days since I've posted because Kathryn and I have been in Kansas visiting my grandma.  Grandma Peggy's not doing well and I really wanted Kathryn to meet her great-grandma.  I knew I'd regret it I didn't make it happen, so a couple of months ago, I started planning with Tarin and my parents and we were able to get out there (well...me and Kathryn, Tarin and Andrew, and Dad) over Veteran's Day weekend. 

I have so many fond memories of my grandparents.  I always loved going to their house.  Whenever I walk into their house, the smell always takes me back to my childhood. There's even a smell in Grandpa's garage that floods me with memories.  I didn't get into the garage this time because it was so windy the first two days and so cold the last day. 

It's hard to believe my grandma may not be with us much longer.  She's my last grandparent and I don't like to think of a world without her in it.  I was not prepared to see her the way she was.  She didn't talk much and she could hardly move.  This has only happened within the last week and my aunt and dad suspect it's from some medication.  I hope that's the case anyway. They're supposed to be putting a hold on those meds, so hopefully she'll get better.  Even though she wasn't herself, her mind was there and I knew she was glad we'd come out.  We even had a little birthday party for Grandma and Kathryn.  It was nice to see everyone and let Kathryn meet so many of her family members.  I'll be posting pictures of the party once Tarin gets them to me.  She has them on her SD card.  She got some good ones, so I'm anxious to see them. 

It was hard leaving last night, knowing it may be the last time I hug my grandma.  She held my hand and she looked like she was about to cry a couple of times.  She even mustered up enough strength to say to Tarin as she was hugging her, "I'm glad you came."  I know she was and I know she was happy to finally meet Kathryn.  She always used to joke with me that I'd never have kids.  I proved her wrong though!  haha  She would just look at Kathryn and smile when we visited Grandma at her assisted living facility.  It was nice to be together and I hope it won't be the last time Kathryn sees her great-grandma Peggy. 

Kathryn was pretty good on the flights there, but I was very overwhelmed because she was antsy and I didn't like being alone. I didn't have enough arms!  I had a mini-meltdown in the back of the plane.  A lady asked how we were doing and I started crying a little because I was just so overwhelmed.  She was so sweet and talked to me and held Kathryn so I could use the bathroom.  Her name was Heather and I don't think I'll ever forget how nice she was to us.  When I asked her if she was from Boston, she told me she was from Minnesota.  We both laughed when I told her I should've known she couldn't be from Boston because she was too nice.  The flights home were awesome.  She was an angel.  She just laughed and cooed on the flight from Wichita to Minneapolis. She fell asleep when we landed, of course, but I woke her up and we made our way to our next gate.  It was quite the trip getting there.  The tram was out of order, so we had to walk a long way.  We got some food (I was ecstatic to have an Arby's...we don't have them here) and Kathryn ate a banana, which made a big mess on her shirt and we had to change it.  Our flight to Boston was fabulous.  We even had the row to ourself, which was wonderful.  Kathryn slept for over and hour and I got to read and listen to music. She really was amazing.  There was a man that was on both our flights and he commented how good she was and said I was a good mom.  It made me feel good.  Funny how just a few words can mean so much. 

The "bug" and car Pop-Pop made for Kathryn.

Grandma Peggy, me and Kathryn

4 Generations

Kathryn and Andrew playing with his suitcase of toys.

This is what Kathryn wore to her party.  I can't wait to post pictures from the actual gathering.

Kathryn's first Sonic.  Hot dog, fries and cherry vanilla limeade.  She loved it!

Kathryn and Animal on the plane.

Kathryn ate a ton of lil' crunchies on the plane. I didn't care though.  As long as she was happy!

Andrew and Kathryn while Dad and I went to the store.  Tarin was watching them. 

Macaroni and Krystal

Kathryn's been trying lots of new big girl food.  She's doing great with it at daycare so I thought I'd give her some mac and cheese for dinner last night.  She loved it and gobbled it right up.

Lovin' the mac & cheese

The other day we opened the little Cabbage Patch Kid we bought her for Christmas last year.  She LOVES Krystal Eloise.

Kathryn & Krystal

All Bundled Up

It's been getting colder lately and the last few days have been very cold in the morning.  We even had our first snowfall yesterday.  Because of that, Kathryn had to get all bundled up to go outside.  She looks so cute in her hat and thumbless mittens!